


Poison

by Cerententia



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, I might as well, I only capitalized all those tags to make them look more important, Post-Thriller Bark, The Blame Game, Thriller Bark, Tragedy, but also kind of, but you know, honestly I'm really hesitant to post this, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:03:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8364340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerententia/pseuds/Cerententia
Summary: There's never a right answer in a situation like this.





	

    There was a poison in Luffy’s heart, pumping through his veins and bleeding into his brain. He could feel it now whenever he looked at his crewmates but it had started with the two pirates, when he’d heard the story before Sanji could stop them. The cook’s expression was stricken, horrified as they spoke, as the secret he’d intended to take with him to the grave was laid out for everyone to hear.

_“That swordsman told the Shichibukai, ‘Take my head instead,’ and he did!”_

_“And you,” one added hastily, words aimed at the blonde Straw Hat, “you were gutsy too, you even said ‘Take my life,’ just like the swordsman!”_

    “You knew,” Luffy had said numbly, staring at his crewmate. “You knew.”

    “Luffy, I—” Sanji started, voice tight with pain, but at the look on his captain’s face, the cook’s words faltered and his gaze dropped. “…Yeah…” he finally admitted in a whisper that cracked under the weight of the admission. “I knew.”

    “But…you said you didn’t. You said…” But now it was so obvious to Luffy that he’d been lying; Sanji hadn’t hesitated before running off to look for Zoro, hadn’t even stopped to ask Nami and Robin if they were hurt. Hadn’t met Luffy’s eye when he’d reappeared carrying the blood-soaked form of the swordsman.

    “…Why did you lie to me?” The Straw Hat captain finally asked. He sounded like a child, lost and confused.

    “Luffy-san,” Brook said gently with an all-too-knowing tone. “I don’t believe Sanji-san wanted to lie to you…” _We just wanted to protect you from even greater pain._

    Though they were unsaid, the words seemed to permeate the air, and slowly, Luffy looked at his newest friend—whom he’d _thought_ was his friend. “…Brook…you knew, too…?”

    Solemnly, the skeleton lowered his head. “I am sorry, Luffy-san. Truly, I am.”

    The captain looked dazed. Surveying the rest of the survivors, all he could see was a sea of pitying faces, filled with the same sadness. What could  _they_ know?

    What _did_ they know?

    “…Who.” Luffy’s voice rang out, hard and unforgiving. “Who else knew…?!” His fists shook as he clenched them. “ _Who else watched him die…?!!_ ”

    The skin of Luffy’s palms split and blood trickled over his fingers. The pirate stared at his hands, hands that should have been too weak to move.

_“After that meatball touched Luffy…he expelled what he claimed to be all of Luffy’s ‘pain’…!!”_

    His pain. Zoro had taken on his pain and the weight of his dream, and it had been too much; it had crushed him.

_“Even a little bit of it was enough to make the swordsman scream in agonizing pain.”_

    They’d lied to protect _him_? What did they know about _protecting_ someone? Why, out of all those who had witnessed it, did no one step forward and try to stop it?

    Luffy realized he was screaming. “ _Why didn’t you try to protect_ him??!”

    “Luffy!!” Nami yelled, clutching his arm as though to stop him from lunging at all of those gathered around. “Stop it Luffy, it’s not their fault!”

    He knew it was true, but all the same he couldn’t help it. He _wanted_ to attack them, to hurt them, to make them feel the same way Zoro must have felt before he died, as he was dying, _while they watched_. They’d called his actions “beautiful,” but Luffy couldn’t see the beauty in his friend dying for a dream that wasn’t his own. Of course Luffy was willing to die for Luffy’s dream, just like Zoro was willing to die for Zoro’s dream and the rest for their own. But having a friend die for a dream that wasn’t even theirs was never part of the plan.

    “Zoro…! He’s always, _always_ protecting us, but who’s protecting him, huh?!? Who’s…!!” Choking on his words, Luffy knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault; it should have been him. He should have been the one to protect Zoro because he was his captain, but he’d failed him.

    By now others had joined Nami, Usopp grabbing his waist while Chopper held his leg, to hold him back or to hold him together he wasn’t sure. All around him, Luffy watched as sadness turned to uncertainty, sprouting into fear, guilt, shame, and even greater sorrow. And then Sanji stepped beside him, wrapping his hand around Luffy’s wrist, and Luffy realized he had his fist drawn back and his eyes were hot.

    “Luffy, please…!” Sanji ground out, teeth clenched tightly on his cigarette. “Don’t…don’t do anything you’ll regret...”

    And Luffy looked at his crewmate and wondered, _did Zoro regret what he’d done?_ But the answer was obvious. Of course he hadn’t. Zoro never regretted anything he’d done. Luffy felt something dark welling up as he stared at the cook and he quickly dropped his gaze before it could come out, because he knew it was Something Bad and once it got out, he’d never be able to take it back.

    “…We’re leaving,” Luffy ordered, extracting himself from his friends and pushing his hat low over his eyes.

    “Wait, Luffy…” Hesitantly, Franky raised the question everyone was thinking. “Shouldn’t we bury Sword—I mean…Zoro…?”

    Luffy’s entire body tensed and he refused to look up, words sharp and biting. “I’m not leaving him _here…_!!”

    Silence fell, and after a moment Luffy turned to where his friend—his first crew member—his swordsman—lay. Picking up his body with infinite care, the Straw Hat captain carried him towards the ship. His eyes remained fixed on the bloody form in his arms. Slowly the rest of the crew trickled after him, murmuring goodbyes to the pirates they left behind.

    For a moment Brook wavered, uncertain, and although several of the Straw Hats shot looks between him and their captain, Luffy never spared so much as a glance. The skeleton remained where he was and watched the future of a new crew walk away.

 

* * *

 

    They set sail into quiet days. Franky had wasted no time in building a small room in which to keep the swordsman’s body, and Sanji kept up a constant supply of ice. He and Luffy were the only ones to willingly enter that room.

    Over the days, nobody mentioned the lack of snores on deck or the fact that the crow’s nest remained eerily silent, but it simply couldn’t be ignored.

    Sanji no longer tripped when bringing drinks to the navigator and archaeologist, and he no longer danced and sang their praises, only said their names with quiet respect before taking his leave.

    When a Sea King appeared, Usopp didn’t scramble to take cover; instead, he stood his ground and fired attack after attack at the monster with his teeth grit in unfamiliar anger.

    Nami drew and drew and drew but the amount of maps in her room never increased, and Robin never mentioned it, just retreated into the same book she’d been reading for weeks.

    Franky tinkered alone, his creations only half-forming before he was taking them apart again, shaking his head and muttering in frustration.

    Chopper cried at the drop of a hat, or a spoon during breakfast, and couldn’t be consoled for hours.

    Luffy began to spend more and more time in the room.

    It was subtle at first, a few minutes before breakfast, a few more after lunch. But slowly it grew, and then he was disappearing immediately after dinner until it was time to sleep, getting up before Sanji yet eating breakfast after everyone else had finished. When Luffy failed to return to the men’s cabin at all, Sanji quietly gathered the crew and lead them to where they all knew he was.

    Their captain was sitting by the body, frost creeping along the edge of his vest and slow puffs of breath swirling around him. His straw hat lay over Zoro’s face.

    “Luffy,” said Sanji, his voice raw. “Please…”

    Luffy stiffened, and after a moment of painful hesitation, shook his head jerkily.

    The cook’s eye closed in defeat before lowering his head, hair falling to hide his face; he shoved his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders hunched slightly as though to protect himself. Nami covered her mouth with one hand, the other reaching for Sanji’s arm. Chopper stared with red-rimmed eyes, unable to cry anymore, and Robin looked away.

    Unexpectedly, tears began streaming down Usopp’s face. “C…c’mon, Luffy, don’t do this…” He tried valiantly to keep a steady voice. “I know how you feel, but…”

    Luffy simply shook his head again, back to his crew, and sudden anger flashed across Usopp’s expression.

    “I _do!_ ” he yelled, everyone flinching at the noise. “We _all_ do!! You’re not alone, dammit…!” The sniper’s words choked off as his voice broke down, but he’d said what he needed to.

    Tears filled Nami’s eyes. “We’re here, Luffy,” she whispered. “We’re here…”

    Slowly, Luffy began to tremble, and suddenly he let out a ragged sob. His breath hitched and he sobbed again, curling into himself, hand reaching out blindly to grasp at Zoro’s sleeve.

    “Why did… _why_ did he die…!!” Still refusing to look at his crew, the captain shook and cried and struggled with the emotion growing and pushing at his chest. “Why didn’t—” Luffy cut himself off, trying desperately not to say something he didn’t mean—because somewhere in that roiling mass in his chest, he was afraid that he did mean it.

    There was a poison in Luffy’s heart, pumping through his veins and bleeding into his brain. He could feel it now whenever he looked at his crewmates.

**Author's Note:**

> I used the script from the manga when the two pirates were telling Sanji the story, only I, you know, made it public. 
> 
> So, um...let me know what you think? ( ; ⌄ ; )


End file.
